Be Happy By Your Damn Self

                                   


Being in a relationship is great. It's nice to have someone to cuddle with at night. It's nice to feel those butterflies when you see your bae or bust out in a big grin when you see that bae has sent you a text. These are all the things we love about being in a relationship, but we know that everything is not always like this. Things may turn sour, those texts he used to send everyday becomes less and less frequent, he ignores your phone calls, then instead of getting butterflies when you see them you just grow angry at all of the things they've done to you. There comes a time when you have to say, do I want to hold onto this anger and hurt and stay with them or do I want to move on and be happy?

Most people feel like in order to get over their ex they have to move on to someone else. Yes, it's possible that you could find a really great person in a matter of weeks and fall for them, but it's not likely. People need time to heal and focus on themselves before they can jump into another relationship, but I feel like most people don't do this. Most people don't know how to be happy by their damn selves. One should never put their happiness in another human being.

It could be hard not getting caught up in love. I know, because I've dealt with this. When you're with someone you become dependent on them for your own happiness. When I met my ex it was great. He made me laugh, conversation was on point, he was so sexy to me even though he wasn't the most handsome guy I'd every met, and just hearing his voice did something to me. Our chemistry was great and I cherished every moment that we spent around each other. But things started changing. I felt like he wasn't feeling me like I was feeling him. We started spending less and less time together, giving me the excuse that he was busy, but he somehow made time for his friends. When I would call he always used to answer, now I would get lucky if he answered at least half the times I called. Text messages used to be returned no later than 15 minutes later, but now I would get lucky if he texted me back within a couple hours. These things led to arguments and arguments turned into some messed up things being said and us not talking for weeks. Eventually, one of us would give in and there would be promises of him doing better. He never followed through with his promises. After dealing with that for so long I knew that he would never change and his promises meant nothing, so that's when I told myself it was time to go.

I attempted to leave at least ten times, ten times I had it set in my heart that I needed to let him go because I knew that he would never change for me. I kept trying to change him back into the man that I had met years ago. I felt stupid after a while, wondering why I kept letting this man trick me . Then I remembered that it wasn't his fault, I was the dumb ass. I'm the one that kept going back, I'm the one that kept doing the same thing, but expecting different results, I think they call that being insane. I had really drove myself insane trying to turn him back into the man that made me happy and gave me butterflies. I remembered the good times and I wanted them back so bad. I didn't want to leave and be alone. I wasn't interested in dating anyone else because he was the only one that I wanted. After going back and forward and it ending the same way every time, with me being hurt I decided I was done with being a fool.
                                   

When I set in my heart that I was done with him I knew I wasn't ready to be with anyone else for a while. My heart was torn up, I had trust issues, and I couldn't deal with the emotional responsibility of being with another man. Most people do the opposite though. When one relationship is over they jump right back into another. They don't want to be lonely, they want someone to cuddle with, they want to find somebody to replace the ex so it won't hurt as much. This is not smart. Most of these relationships probably won't work because you're still dealing with the emotional baggage from the ex. Bringing in emotional baggage from an old relationship to a new relationship will never work out. That's the problem with a lot of relationships today, everybody is just claiming somebody just to have somebody only to leave with the same negative results because they never healed themselves from the first time.

You have men and women with trust issues and hurt from their past trying to make a new relationship work. People need to work on self healing and trying to get themselves together on the inside before trying to be with someone else. Yes, being single can suck and be lonely, but it can also be fun and exhilarating. So let that bad relationship go and don't hop on social media announcing that you're now single and ready to mingle. Chill out, read a book, find a new show to binge watch on Netflix, take up a new hobby, spend more times with your friends. Just learn to be happy by your damn self.