Follow The Leader

There’s something very wrong with this generation of men, and the main problem is that they don’t want to lead. As men, you’re supposed to be the leader of your family and the head of your household. This concept is becoming a thing of the past, especially in the black community. A lot of black men in the black community don’t know how to lead. Maybe it’s because they didn’t have fathers or any father figures to show them the proper way of leading. All I see on social media are black men getting multiple women pregnant and not being with any of them. Don’t get me wrong, not all black men do this. There are a few that marries the mother of their children and do lead their household effectively, but there are not enough doing this. This is not to bash black men, because I love black men, but a lot of ya’ll really have to do better.  

My friends and I talk about this issue all the time, some of us are in relationships and some of us are single, but we’ve all come to the same conclusion, things just aint how they used to be. From my experience I’ve had issues with men being commitment -phobic but still wanting to hold on to me and have sex with me like we’re in a relationship. This is where the whole “situationship” stems from. Men wanting the benefits of a relationship, but not actually wanting to be in one. Mines lasted for four years. I’m not going to say it was all his fault because I was stupid for staying. I thought I could change him, thought he would eventually come around and make him want something more. But the real question is, why are so many black men afraid of commitment? They aren’t afraid to create a human life, but a real relationship is too much to handle? That’s because being in a relationship requires a man to truly lead. When I say lead I’m not talking about just financially, because the man may not make as much as the woman and that’s ok, but leading in other areas. A man has to lead in his emotions, in his actions, and his heart. We expect for the man to approach us, the man to ask us on a date, the man to ask us to be in a relationship, the man to ask us for our hand in marriage, and a lot of those things aren’t happening now days. A man will approach you if he see something he likes, but instead of asking you on a date after ya’ll have gotten to know each other, they want to “chill” and “hangout.” “You smoke, you drink,” they ask? Long gone are the days of planning a date and being considerate of what the woman wants. Then when you speak up and say I want to go on a date, they ask you what do you want to do, as if y’all did already have a full conversation of what each other likes to do for fun.  Just figure that shit out! If we go to the show ask me if there’s anything out that I want to see. Ask me what my favorite restaurant is. Men, if you do this women will be a lot more receptive to you. If a man is doing all the right things by providing time and attention and taking their woman out they will get all of that in return and maybe more! We need you to show us what you can do for us and then we will be more than happy to show you what we can do for you! A lot of men these days don’t see that, it’s like they want the woman to prove to them what we can do for them before they prove anything to us. Nowadays, men are more spoiled than the women. They want sex, meals, and gifts and they don’t want to give a damn thing in return. Once again ,not all men are like this but I’ve seen it a lot. A lot of men feel like they’re entitled to shit when all they want to provide is dick and then go off and kick it with the guys all day. I won’t get on the issue of cheating because that is not what this post is about.  

The next issue I want to touch on is emotions. Men are not emotional creatures for the most part and it’s hard for a lot of them to open up to their woman. I understand this, but if the man is not vulnerable and willing to open up to the woman a little more then the woman won’t feel comfortable being vulnerable around the man, and as a woman we need to feel like we can be vulnerable with our man without feeling embarrassed . For instance, a friend of mines has been dating this guy on and off for a couple years. They’ve always had issues but neither wanted to let each other go. She stated she didn’t feel comfortable being vulnerable with him and opening up to him about some sensitive subject matters because he had never opened up to her. When his brother died he kind of just closed himself off and went MIA for a while, when they start to talk again he made it seem like he was good. The fact that he is unable to let her see him vulnerable makes her feel like she can’t be that way with him either. She wants to be this way with him, but he doesn’t make her feel like it’s ok for her to really open up to  him like that. I’ve dealt with the same thing. A lot of times us women play off the actions of men. If we feel like you aren’t comfortable enough with us to allow us to be there for you then we won’t feel like we can allow you to be there for us.

Matters of the heart...saying I love you. Most women will wait for the men to say it to them first or they may ask , “do you love me?” It’s a question that after a while we want to know. Is this still something that we’re just doing for fun or do you really care about me. Some men will never say those words. Even if they really do love the woman. Obviously the woman will wonder or not feel like it’s ok to love a man back if he hasn’t said it to her first. After a few years in a relationship we anticipate marriage. Women wait around thinking, “It’s been seven years, I wonder if we’ll ever get married.” Some women may bring up the idea of marriage, but most women won’t actually propose to the men. These are things we expect the men to do. These are the times we expect for men to take the lead. So many black men are not stepping up and taking the lead in this way. It’s not only black men, but my focus is black men because these are the men that I involve myself with. All I see are gender reveals and baby showers, a wedding here and there but not many.  

The main point of this post is not to bash black men. I love black men once again, but black women deserve so much better than what we are getting. I’m not bitter, maybe a little lol, but I have good reason to be. Shout out to all the black men that are effectively leading! Remember, if you make your woman happy she’ll make you even happier.