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20 Something And Trying To Figure It Out



I graduated college. I have a job...I’m able to live and support myself so I guess I’m doing ok. Only I have a huge amount of student debt on my back and I’m living, but barely. I hate my job, but I need it to pay the bills. Long gone are the days where I could just lay in bed if I didn’t feel like going to school or call off from my work study job and not have to worry about losing it. If I don’t get out of this bed everything I worked for could come to an end. After college I expected a bomb ass job in the industry I studied for in college. I expected a pay that would allow me to pay off student loans, live comfortably, and travel. Instead I’m here...living paycheck to paycheck, in grad school to defer my student loans and collect more refund checks (don’t judge me), and I have to pray and gather up my strength each day to make it through the week, to be overjoyed that Friday is here only to be disappointed yet again that Monday is here. At 25, I’m not doing horrible, but I keep saying to myself that this can’t be life.  
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I want to do something I love. I want to travel the world. I want to live in that nice apartment, have a brand new car, money to keep my hair and nails done, and shop when I feel like it. I’m sure we all do. I know I have time, but I don’t want to look up one day and I’m still living paycheck to paycheck and working a job that I still hate. I’m scared because I know this happens to so many people and I don’t want to be one of them. I have so many dreams and adulthood will knock those dreams right out the window. When you’re working 40 hours a week for someone else it’s hard to put an extra 20 hours a week into making sure your own dreams come true. I try to keep myself motivated, but life has a way of straying you away from your dreams.

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When you apply for 50 jobs and only hear back from 5 you get discouraged. When you go on 3 interviews for the same job and don’t end up getting it you get discouraged. When you’re more than qualified for a job and you get that letter saying they decided to go with a different candidate you get discouraged. You wonder am I good enough? What am I doing wrong? Life after college contains a lot of those thoughts and I wish I could say I believe my 4 years of hard work and a whole bunch of loans was well worth it. I loved the experiences college brought me, but the education may not have been worth it. Just working on my own brand and working part time and living at my parent’s house probably could have brought me more success in my life at this point than going to college did. Some people experiences are different. If you’re a nurse or a teacher then college would have been worth it. I wish I did want to do something like that, that could guarantee me a job, but I can’t do anything that I’m not passionate about. Choosing a road that others may not choose is scary, but essential to living a life that satisfies you.

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I’m still trying to figure out my life and what really makes me happy and how I can achieve that while also living the lifestyle I want to live. It’s so many people in my same position and it’s definitely hard out here but saying positive and continuing to work on ourselves and not neglecting our dreams will only put us closer and closer to the life we always dreamed about.

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